My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
