Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
