Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
