When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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