I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
