Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
