Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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