ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
