Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
