At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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