I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Mom said you looked used
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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