You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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