Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
