The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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