Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
