don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
