I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
