i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
