If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize