i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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