To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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