I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
