you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
