So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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