Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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