shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
