I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i used baking grease as lip gloss
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
