I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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