I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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