yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
