I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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