I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
