apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
