just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
