sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
