I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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