There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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