I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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