I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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