how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I look better un-naked...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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