He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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