I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
