EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
