the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dicks are not precious.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
