i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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