i jhust puked up my retainher.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
