The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
