you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I understand Curling. That high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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