I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
