you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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