I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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