I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
