You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
