can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
