when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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