walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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