You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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