seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
