I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
