why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
