And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
