I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
