literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
