I think I died a long time ago.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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