i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
