i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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