it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
