What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
