I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
