so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
