But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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