we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
