My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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