At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
