oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was born a porn star she said
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.