can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie