I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.