If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.