hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Blood and glitter go together right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.