Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week