I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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