Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
