I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
