i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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