I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
