Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
