Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize