The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
